Every morning I take the bus to work, and every afternoon I take it home. Both ways I often board while seats are still available. Eventually, being rush hour, the bus begins to fill up and people stand in the aisles. Until recently I would, without thinking about it, get up to give my seat to a woman, but I’ve realized how problematic that is. If a man is truly to be a feminist, does that require giving up chivalry?
Yes. End chivalry now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll gladly give up my seat to an elderly woman. Or man. And I’m not rude; I hold open doors for people. But this idea that women must be treated delicately, that there are certain things that must be done or not done in front of a “lady,” is detrimental to our culture and needs to be killed off and buried.
What was the last society to hold chivalry at its core? The American South, in particular during the period of time when it still held on to an economy and society that looked strikingly feudal. The South was, for most of American history, somewhat behind the times. It was still agrarian after agriculture was industrialized elsewhere and culturally…we all know the results of the myth of white Southern womanhood.
I don’t want to be hyperbolic; of course chivalry doesn’t lead to murder anymore. But although men no longer lay their jackets in the mud for a woman to walk over, they still believe there is certain verbal dirt that shouldn’t be brought up in front of women. The thought is that women must be protected, looked out for, and not made to do certain things. Society still has trouble with the idea of a woman speaking forcibly from a position of power, and the head of the household is still assumed to be a man.
In the rational, civilized world, most of us are of the mindset that these beliefs are archaic, and anyone who still thinks this way is a fool. But it is in our actions that we, men and women alike, expose our true prejudices. I feel guilt about not giving up my seat on the bus. I get dirty looks from women for not doing so. Most people still think men must ask out women, pay for the first date, be romantic, and be the one to propose marriage. Men believe they must be the primary earner in the family. Now, I realize these attitudes are crumbling rapidly, almost overnight, but my point here is that we need to watch ourselves.
So when I reach my stop, and I step back from the bus door to allow “ladies first,” think of how much backwards thinking goes into that one seemingly innocent and polite act. We need to start living our convictions.
The Poverty of Philosophy 
I’m all for this. Contrary to what some conservative backlash may contend, this isn’t the end of kindness.
If you’re the sort of person who wants to give up your seat for others, give it up… for both men and women.
And you don’t have to be a man to give up your seat. Women can also give up their seats if they want to be extra kind.
Women are not delicate flowers. Or, as Ani DiFranco says, “Don’t you think every kitten figures out how to get down, whether you show up or not?”
The problem though is the risk of eliminating politeness in the process. I hold doors open for people. I let people in front of me in line at the supermarket if they are only buying a couple things. And I’d hate for people to not extend me the same courtesies just because I’m a woman and they are acting in the name of anti-chivalry. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this seems like an issue of intent.
Yes, I agree. I’ll step aside and let someone go ahead of me, but it’s out of politeness. On the surface, the action would appear the same whether I were doing it out of politeness or chivalry. As you say, it really is an issue of intent. I want people to get out of a certain mindset because outdated modes of thinking will inevitably carry over from actions you take on a bus or etc. and begin manifesting themselves in things such as the way one regards the role of the sexes in, like the example I give, relationships. So there’s nothing wrong with politeness, which is why I chose the example of a man giving up his seat on the bus to a perfectly healthy woman. This, despite how some would see it, is not an example of politeness–why would I bother sitting down in the first place if I were just going to get up later to give the seat to anyone, man or woman, who got on after me?
Would you give up your seat to a child?
Children are annoying and should be forced to stand and be thrown around the bus since they can’t reach the handlebars to hold on to.
are all of your blog posts going to have a Russelian title?
That’s my goal.
i was talking about Russel Simmons, not Bertrand Russel
That’s def